Shelley

1.5 Stars

My face hurts. My head hurts. My eyeballs hurt.

All because this book induced nothing but constant eye rolling, face palming and head plants against any available surface.

You know what this is?

A barely disguised Harlequin Romance that belongs on one of those spiny wire racks in the library with the medical romances. Honestly, I can see it there but with a new title like … “Billionaire for his babies” or something similar.

Before I tell you why this didn’t work for me know that there is a lot of love for this … gem, and once again I am in the minority. I’ll try not to be to be too offensive.

Firstly, like I said, this reads just like a Harlequin romance: the set-up, the insta- attraction, the super famous and rich bachelor who abandons his ‘I don’t do repeats’ dictum for the humble uber-hot girl guy, whose struggling to do his best for his adopted kids. Now I can cope with all that, but what I can’t deal with is the dialog, formulaic descriptions and the very hetero feel of this novel.

When crossing over to the m/m genre it really is a lot more than swapping her for him, and excluding a vagina in favour of anal sex. I see that now. It’s not only that - it was the thoughts and convictions of Trent that where too womanised for my liking.

Example: Trent checked the cooler he kept outside, the ice held up even in the summer sun, keeping the drinks, the potato salad, and mayo all cool inside. The table looked ready; disposable plates, napkins, bags of chips all ready to open. Everything looked perfect

Would a real man really give a toss about what the table looked like? Okay maybe some gay men, but not the uber macho Trent. I don’t see a man like Trent crying and sobbing over a fella after two weeks of knowing him either.

There’s a whole lot of lip slanting kisses, rigid cocks, soul stealing gazes, tongue thrusting into ears (!!!) possessive caveman thoughts, dazed looks, confessions like ‘ your kisses undo me’ , unexplained needing, healing, stirring heart strings, cute kids, and despite all of that, I actually finished this book.
There was just something about those Harlequin romances way back then, that compelled me to finish them, even though I rolled my eyes and face palmed all the way through (yes,even at the age of 16) and the same reasons apply here.
Despite the clichés, the characters still engaged me and I wanted the hearts and flowers happy ending I knew was coming. The biggest fail, and it’s pretty HUGE considering, is that this book does NOT work as an m/m novel, not at all. Sowwwwy.